What percentage of your work style would be called “control freak?” Not something that you find on a job description. But admit it, there’s at least a bit of control freak in all of us. The word “controlling” has a negative connotation, but a lot of people with that label are simply take-charge types who get the job done. The others are, well, control freaks.
An article in the Wall Street Journal, “She Talks a Lot, He Listens a Little” got me thinking about controlling behaviors. She discusses communication in personal relationships, but you can apply it to business, too. She makes a point when describing the talker vs. the non-talker – the non-talker has control over any conversation; when one party is done listening, the conversation is over.
Think about how many times when someone has presented an idea, someone has dismissed it, either by “tabling” it for later or just moving on through the agenda. If this is your style or you’re the boss, you may not realize this is a conversation-stopper. Unfortunately, that behavior can keep a good idea (and the person who suggested it) down.
Be honest, has being in control always been effective for you? I would guess not. There’s no way we can be on top of everything going on around us – there are too many unknown factors. So, maybe you should try giving it up. Okay, you don’t like that idea, I know. But there are ways to still feel in control while practicing letting go.
· Setting limits and/or having good boundaries is sometimes seen as controlling. Actually, the behavior is more about asserting your rights while being open to the other person’s rights, too. Setting limits can protect your time and resources.
· Develop a more interactive style. People respond well when asked their opinion. It doesn’t mean that you have to change your direction, but you will seem more approachable and cooperative.
· Decide each day to actively “let go” of something – someone else’s behavior, a task on your calendar, the need to win an argument.
The above will be difficult at first, but you might find that you start relaxing into these new behaviors and that it’s a welcome change.
This is a post by Jobacle team member Nancy LaFever.
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