The toilet and my office cubicle, two places where I do not want to die.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die anywhere, but just like you, one day I will cease to exist. Let it happen on the beach, or in my bed, or riding my bike through some random park – just not at work. Dying at work would suck. Here’s why in no particular order.
1) I’d likely piss myself, and that’s not the image I want to leave my coworkers with. Plus, I really like the maintenance staff.
2) The thought of someone taking my nifty tape dispenser before my body is even cold is terribly unsettling.
3) Dying in a suit would make it too easy for the undertaker, and unless they are going to offer my family a discount, I want my money’s worth!
4) Who would call my family to break the news? My boss? Her assistant? The company president? Knowing the bureaucracy of business, it might be weeks before my family gets the word.
5) Dying at my desk would scar my coworkers for life. Every time they approach someone’s desk from that moment on would be a traumatic experience. Checking to see if someone is breathing at their desk is no way to go through life.
6) Or worse yet, the headline reads: Man Dies at Work, No One Notices.
The reality is I don’t care where I die, as long as it’s fast. Just not the toilet or work, please.