How to Spot an Aspiring Office Bully

We have all heard about the bully at work, but less talked about is their rise to the status. Often there are warning that this person is en route to becoming a bully.   Many of us are programmed to try and understand people, to give the benefit of doubt, therefore letting the bullies of tomorrow off the hook.  If they have been difficult we think maybe they are just having a rough time at home, or their car has broken down that morning and this makes you more tolerant to the odd remark or snap. The majority of time this is true, they may be having an off day.  But beware!  Your colleague might be starting the journey to becoming a bully.

Three tests to determine if a coworker is on the path to become a bully.

1. The Crap Test
An aspiring arse can create an atmosphere around him/her, either consciously or subconsciously. If you think this may be the case in your office, checkout the crap test. If you enter a room and you are feeling alright, but you come out feeling all sorts of negative feelings, anxious, nervous, or just a bit down — yet nothing in particular happened in that room — it is normally a guarantee it is them. It is whatever is radiating from that person, which unfortunately you have had the privilege of soaking up. Take that as a warning, it means that the person isn’t feeling too hot at the moment and if they are that way inclined, this is when they will start taking it out on others. Be wary.

2. Subtle Undermining
Another telltale sign of an office bully is subtle undermining. This can come in many shapes. For example patronizing comments like, “well at your age, you might not know about this,” or “Oh… what you said is so funny” (when it blatantly was not you being funny but a serious comment.) Also watch out for the compliment with a sting. You know something like, “that was a great report…if only I didn’t have to rewrite it twice” or “you can absolutely not tell you have a stomach in that skirt.” If this happens always call it. Do it gently with humor but do not let the remarks go without comment.  For example, it might be worth saying, “was that a complement, it was hard to tell.”  If you do it in a joking manner there will be little comeback, but your aspiring bully, will know you are not someone who will easily put up with it.  And there’s no better way to combat a bully than by showing them you will not be a victim.

3. The Blindside Attack.
Lastly, there may well be a much less subtle attack, a proper boardroom moment, where you are completely and unexpectedly attacked. The blind side attack. You walked into the meeting thinking it was going to be a nice and predictable half hour of your life, then all of a sudden, you are being told that your ideas shouldn’t be listened to, because you don’t have experience, you don’t hold authority, or (insert other insults here).

This is a blatant attack that has taken everyone by surprise, and because you are so shocked, you seem to have no comeback whatsoever. Instead you gasp like a goldfish out of water and leave a smug aspiring bully in your wake.

This is difficult. If you can deal with the situation head on in the meeting without coming across too defensive or emotional, that is brilliant. However if you are too shocked ( and you will not be alone) and need time to gather you thoughts, you can always address the bully and the other meeting attendess later in the day

An aspiring bully is hard to spot and even harder to deal with, so if this blog post strikes a chord, get on your guard with the person, nip it in the bud, and send a message that you will not tolerate the behavior of a bully.