If you don’t operate machinery, drive a vehicle or give a flying F about your job – you might want to consider drinking alcohol at work. You’re likely to be A LOT more honest with your boss.
In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, the annual excuse (as if you lushes needed another) to get all sloppy, we’ve asked our resident mixologist Todd the Bartender to talk about drinking at work.
Jobacle: What’s the quickest way to get drunk at work?
Todd: Let me start by saying that if you listen to any of my advice you’re a fool. Is that enough of a disclaimer? Ok, anyway, I’d opt for eating nothing all day and drinking vodka with a straw. Other good options are the obvious full-grain Everclear and even regular wine. Since it’s meant to be sipped, chugging will actually get you buzzed quicker then some drinks with higher proofs.
Q: What about the smell factor? Is anything really odorless?
A: Well vodka is as close to odorless as you’re gonna get – but processing gives virtually all drinks an odor. But once any alcohol gets into your blood, your lungs are gonna send it right back out through your mouth. I would stay away from anything fruity.
Q: What about the famous Altoid cover-up?
A: Mint is way too obvious of a cover-up. Go with chocolate, coffee, or an intense fruity gum like an Orbitz. Better yet, garlic and onions will do the trick. I guess you have a choice, get fired for alcoholism or bad breath.
Q: How about ways to conceal it at your desk?
A: I’ll always be partial to the monogrammed flask, but at work I’d go with a miniature hand cream bottle (obviously washed well). Lazier people might go with a thermos or a regular plastic bottle of water.
Q: How many people do you think drink at work?
A: This research turned up that 7% of Americans are getting "their drink on" at work. Career Builder has pegged it as high as 1 in every 10. So play the odds and join the ten percent!
Q: Before we let you go, any drink recipes you care to share with our hard-working readers.
A: Here’s one for those of you truly ambitious types who hope to climb the corporate ladder. It’s ambitious – but tastes great. Oh yeah, and it’s called the Suffering Bastard!
Suffering Bastard
2 oz. Gin
1.5 oz. Brandy
.5 oz. lime juice
1tsp. sugar syrup
1tbsp. Angostura bitters
Ginger Beer
Cucumber slice
mint sprig
lime slice
Use a chilled collins glass. Pour in bitters, swirl around and ditch the excess. Add ice, gin, brandy, lime juice and sugar syrup. Add in Ginger beer and stir well. Use the cuke, mint and line as garnish.
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