Caffeine Banned From the Workplace

I’m about to propose something that will make you want to smash my head with a stapler and then roll me over with a copy machine.

What about a caffeine-free workplace?

Whoa! I know, it sounds like I’m a militant nut. But come along for a ride in an alternative universe where caffeinated beverages are banned from the workplace.

Picture a time where people are stashing thermoses filled with coffee in their desk drawers and keeping coffee beans in their cars. The fear of random drug tests keeps everybody on their toes. The best performing stocks belong to companies who have mastered the art of decaf and have found a way to distil other ‘legal’ energy boosters into hot drinks.

It might not be plausible, but it also might not be impossible.

I’ll tell you straight up that if I ran a company (larger than Jobacle!) I wouldn’t want my employees suffering from the myriad of problems caffeine brings with it. I’d even be willing to foot the bill to help them kick the habit.

When you hire a coffee drinker, much like a smoker, you are assuming a greater risk – and there’s a good chance you will get less productivity out of that person versus a non-drinker. Plus, your health insurance costs could skyrocket.

You already know the negatives, you addicts! But here’s a quick recap:

– Sleep for a shorter period of time.
– Crave fat and carbohydrates
– Be irritable when your dependency is interrupted
– Suffer from headaches
– Increased level of stress
– Restlessness will keep you from focusing

Will we ever see legislation that bans coffee drinking at work? Probably not. A caffeine cap at prisons didn’t even fly.

It’s just a thought. But shouldn’t something with so little upside be frowned upon by more employers?

I’d love to hear about your company’s coffee habits. Do they make java readily available? Have you seen signs of caffeine discouragement?

Your thoughts are always welcome. I don’t want to impede on anybody’s freedoms, but I think there’s an interesting conversation to be had.

Full Disclosure: Your author is an avid tea drinker and thinks coffee is way overrated.