The office birthday party. The baby shower at work. Jimmy’s promotion. Whatever the occasion, every office has a party planning butterfly, a person who will jump at the chance to gather people around the conference room table to indulge in saturated fats.
Each office has its own ritual, but the most common way to facilitate a work party is to send around office party invitations in the form of an email to your coworkers (omitting the person at the center of the celebration, of course!). Each person is then asked to bring in a food item. It’s that or a money collection, and we all know how the latter usually works out.
These office affairs often have different names, but the menu items are the same. Are you the type who buys Hostess cupcakes on sale (2 for $5) on the way to work, or do you fire up the stove to bring in the honorees’ favorite treat?
We’re not judging…but some sweet treats show you care more than others.
Bagels. The party standard, but where are they from and what variety were purchased? Bagels from a bagel bakery trump anything you’ll find at the supermarket. Too many cinnamon raisins will bury you.
Cakes, Pies and Cookies. we need only consult the Glengarry Glen Ross playbook for this one:
“Oh yeah, I’m eating her crumb cake”
“How was it?”
“From the store.”
“F*ck her.”
Going to a bakery shows you care.
Donuts. This one should be fool-proof. But just like bagels, everyone has their favorite variety. That means you will likely have more unsatisfied colleagues than satisfied ones. What a bunch of ingrates!
Munchkins. Is it me, or do they never give enough jelly Munchkins?
Chips & Salsa. A nice thought, but it’s always an odd selection if it shows up for a birthday breakfast. Also, it’s not really a good stand-around-the-table snack. If you insist, keep this item for the afternoon, and be sure to provide a bowl for dipping.
Soda. Show up with a generic brand and you’ll prove that your allegiance only goes as far as 88 cents.
For all of you bakers and creators…the personal touch is appreciated, but while homemade is nice, a majority of workers secretly prefer store bought products. That way they are not second-guessing the cleanliness of a kitchen they’ve never seen. Plus, foods we are familiar with (Oreos, Chips Ahoy, etc.) tend to be more comforting.
What’s your favorite item to show up at an office celebration?
There is an unspoken point system; the items you bring in reveal more than you think. When I have the time I will put together a chart. For now, think twice before you bring in an item for the office party. Play the odds and bring in something everyone likes, make sure there’s enough of it, and most importantly, make yourself a plate!
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