I Am Scared I Will Die at Work

The toilet and my office cubicle, two places where I do not want to die.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die anywhere, but just like you, one day I will cease to exist.  Let it happen on the beach, or in my bed, or riding my bike through some random park – just not at work. Dying at work would suck. Here’s why, in no particular order.

1) I’d likely piss myself, and that’s not really the image I want to leave my coworkers with.  Plus I really like the maintenance staff.

2) The thought of someone taking my nifty tape dispenser before my body is cold – literally – is unsettling.

3) Dying in a suit would make it too easy for the undertaker, and unless they are going to offer my family a discount, I want my money’s worth!

4) Who would call my family to break the news? My boss? His secretary? The company president? Knowing the beauracracy of business, it might be weeks before my family gets word.

5) Dying at my desk would scar my coworkers for life.   Everytime they approch someone’s desk from that moment on would be a traumatic experience.  Checking to see if someone is breathing at their desk is no way to go through life.

The reality is I don’t care where I die, as long as it’s fast. Just not the toilet, please.

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